What makes you feel good about yourself?

Self-Esteem affects all parts of our personality.  If someone feels good about themselves, they are better able to meet and resolve their daily challenges.  They bounce back from problems quicker, and research has shown that they are both physically and mentally healthier people.

I find helping people to be one of the most important things I do to build my self-esteem.  Many people have discovered that service to others reduces self- preoccupation, distracts them from their problems and gives them greater energy.  There are many ways to serve others but voluntary community service is a good place to start.  Hospitals and other organizations need all the volunteers they can get.  Do you know someone who is homebound that could use a visit? 

How do you build your self-esteem?
What makes you feel good about yourself?
Where do you need help with this issue?

I look forward to reading your comments.

Returning to School Issues (Parents and Children) #2

Some reflections on parenting and children (kids, teens and college students) returning to school or preparing to go to school for the first time.


This time of year can be exciting and stressful. I encourage parents to be proactive and to set a tone of optimism and hope. It may sound a little corny but telling your child that they are going to have the best school year ever is a good idea. Having some one on one time to find out how they feel about going to school is a good way to find out what are their hopes, anxieties and concerns. The goal is to open up a channel of communication and to prevent problems before they occur. Another goal is to plan in one on one time on a weekly (make this a long-term goal) basis to touch base with your child's thoughts, victories, and concerns. If you have more than one child, then it is important to do this with each child--not all at once.


If your child talks about an issue they want help with, it is important to come up with an action plan to address that issue. Your children will be more likely to open up and really talk about what is bothering them if they believe you take their problems seriously, and work with them to resolve their problems.

What are the problems that you are facing?
Who do you turn to for advice when you need help?
If you have more than one child, which one are you most concerned about?

I look forward to hearing from you.  Don't forget to share your victories too!

Back To School Parent and Child Relationship Issues

School will be starting for most families soon. What is on your mind as you prepare for your children to return to school?

I am struck by how difficult certain transitions are: First Grade, Middle School Years, 9th Grade--first year of HS, Senior year of HS and of course the "empty nest" emotions and turmoil of the first year of college.

My heart goes out to all parents as school is about to start.  Where are you in this challenging process?

Transitions For College Age Children

Transitions are a challenge to us all.

 I will never forget how surprisingly empty our home seemed after our oldest (Tom) went away to college.  

Our second son (Paul) came home to live for a while after college and I treasured every moment--I knew it was just a matter of time before he left, and now he's been gone from home for years and is getting married.

This time was hard on me but I think it was much harder on my wife.  Mothers' seem to take this transition, with its subsequent "empty nest," very hard.

• How are you coping with the changes that are occurring?
• What do you need help with?
• Who do you turn to for help?

Professional help can make this challenging transition smoother for both mom and dad.

Anger in Relationships

Anger often makes a healthy relationship hard to maintain.  Couples and families can benefit from finding ways to clearly talk about what is bothering them so each person feels respected and heard.

A simple way I've found to increase the safety and effectiveness of this discussion is to start it with an appreciation time.  Encourage each person to appreciate something real about the other person.  It doesn't have to be something big ("Your inspiration helped me to get into the college of my choice.") but it does have to come from the heart and have meaning to both people ("Thanks for waking up early and feeding the kids breakfast.")

After one or two examples of what they appreciate, then most people feel calmer, respected and safer--that is the best preparation for a productive talk about what is bothering them and how they might resolve their hurts/problems.