I have been conducting couple's counseling for a long time. Most of the couples that come to me wait until they are in a profound crisis and feeling hopeless.
To create hope, the first intervention is to calm the crisis down and to help them gain some perspective. This reduces the strain between them and helps them to get into a problem solving state of mind.
The second intervention is to help them to grow in their ability to appreciate one another; to say out loud the things that they are both doing, but not getting credit for.
Most couples at some point start taking one another for granted and take the good things that the other one does as an expectation, not something to be appreciated.
In my 35 years in the mental health field, couple's counseling and family therapy are the most challenging to conduct. This is true whether someone is married or not, straight or gay, bi-sexual, lesbian, transgender or queer. Age does not make a significant difference nor does years together as a couple.
One of the most important factors is early intervention into the problem or problems. Common issues with couples involve problems with money, how power is shared within the relationship, children and parenting conflicts, step-children, ex-partners, in-laws, addiction issues (substance abuse, gambling, over spending, eating disorders, over working, compulsive sex, Internet, etc....).
What are the challenges you face as a couple?
Where do you want help?
In your experience, what works for you and your partner/spouse?
2 comments:
I love the photo you have on this blog - it so communicates what's possible in human connection. And also your life- and love-affirming approach to couples counsleing.
Catherine:
Thanks for the feedback on my Couple's Counseling post.
The photo made me smile and feel happy about life--that is what I want to communicate to others.
I believe that it is so important to give hurting people hope. Once hope is established, then change (in my opinion, the essence of therapy) is possible.
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