I am asked that question frequently. The following is a brief description of how I approach my work with children and their families: In my experience, the first place to start with therapy is with a parent (ideally parents) and child together. From that first session I can learn a lot about the interaction between parent and child and begin making suggestions to improve the relationship, increase communication and decrease conflict.
It is very important to give the parents hope. I actively appreciate what they are doing right and gently suggest ways of improving their interactions with their child/children.
I also focus on whether the parents are both in agreement about house rules, discipline, and all aspects of their child's life. When I find serious disagreement between the parents, I suggest a parenting session with just the parents present to help them sort out their differences and work on presenting a united front to their child/children.
This work is very rewarding because its focus is on prevention. I was first inspired to work with younger clients when session after session, I heard an adult say, "Steve, I wish someone had known what kind of emotional pain I was in when I was a kid."
What are the questions you have about therapy for children?
What do you wish others had known about you when you were younger?
For an appointment to discuss these issues further, please call: 203-624-7530. I look forward to hearing from you.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Childhood Depression--Can it be diagnosed? Can it be treated?
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/29/magazine/29preschool-t.html
One of the points that I most agreed with in this article is the absolute necessity of direct parental participation in a child's therapy.
The parents need to understand the child's concerns; the most effective way to facilitate communication between parent and child; and, the importance of practicing the new behaviors at home between sessions. The article calls this Parent-Child-Interaction-Therapy.
One of the biggest obstacles to a child's successful psychotherapy is for one or both of the parents to feel that the therapy is unnecessary. Children are very sensitive to what their parents think and will not take the therapy seriously if mom or dad do not.
Have you taken one or more of your children to a psychotherapist?
What concerns you the most about your child/children?
One of the points that I most agreed with in this article is the absolute necessity of direct parental participation in a child's therapy.
The parents need to understand the child's concerns; the most effective way to facilitate communication between parent and child; and, the importance of practicing the new behaviors at home between sessions. The article calls this Parent-Child-Interaction-Therapy.
One of the biggest obstacles to a child's successful psychotherapy is for one or both of the parents to feel that the therapy is unnecessary. Children are very sensitive to what their parents think and will not take the therapy seriously if mom or dad do not.
Have you taken one or more of your children to a psychotherapist?
What concerns you the most about your child/children?
Monday, September 6, 2010
Couple's Counseling
I have been conducting couple's counseling for a long time. Most of the couples that come to me wait until they are in a profound crisis and feeling hopeless.
To create hope, the first intervention is to calm the crisis down and to help them gain some perspective. This reduces the strain between them and helps them to get into a problem solving state of mind.
The second intervention is to help them to grow in their ability to appreciate one another; to say out loud the things that they are both doing, but not getting credit for.
Most couples at some point start taking one another for granted and take the good things that the other one does as an expectation, not something to be appreciated.
In my 35 years in the mental health field, couple's counseling and family therapy are the most challenging to conduct. This is true whether someone is married or not, straight or gay, bi-sexual, lesbian, transgender or queer. Age does not make a significant difference nor does years together as a couple.
One of the most important factors is early intervention into the problem or problems. Common issues with couples involve problems with money, how power is shared within the relationship, children and parenting conflicts, step-children, ex-partners, in-laws, addiction issues (substance abuse, gambling, over spending, eating disorders, over working, compulsive sex, Internet, etc....).
What are the challenges you face as a couple?
Where do you want help?
In your experience, what works for you and your partner/spouse?
To create hope, the first intervention is to calm the crisis down and to help them gain some perspective. This reduces the strain between them and helps them to get into a problem solving state of mind.
The second intervention is to help them to grow in their ability to appreciate one another; to say out loud the things that they are both doing, but not getting credit for.
Most couples at some point start taking one another for granted and take the good things that the other one does as an expectation, not something to be appreciated.
In my 35 years in the mental health field, couple's counseling and family therapy are the most challenging to conduct. This is true whether someone is married or not, straight or gay, bi-sexual, lesbian, transgender or queer. Age does not make a significant difference nor does years together as a couple.
One of the most important factors is early intervention into the problem or problems. Common issues with couples involve problems with money, how power is shared within the relationship, children and parenting conflicts, step-children, ex-partners, in-laws, addiction issues (substance abuse, gambling, over spending, eating disorders, over working, compulsive sex, Internet, etc....).
What are the challenges you face as a couple?
Where do you want help?
In your experience, what works for you and your partner/spouse?
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Issues People in their 20's Face
This is an excellent article about the issues that people in their 20's face. From my personal and professional experience, the article is spot-on accurate.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/magazine/22Adulthood-t.html?_r=1&emc=eta1
After reading the article, what questions come to your mind?
Are you 20 something? If so, do you agree with the author?
Are you the parent of someone in their 20's? What are your struggles? What are your victories?
I look forward to hearing from you.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/magazine/22Adulthood-t.html?_r=1&emc=eta1
After reading the article, what questions come to your mind?
Are you 20 something? If so, do you agree with the author?
Are you the parent of someone in their 20's? What are your struggles? What are your victories?
I look forward to hearing from you.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
What makes you feel good about yourself?
Self-Esteem affects all parts of our personality. If someone feels good about themselves, they are better able to meet and resolve their daily challenges. They bounce back from problems quicker, and research has shown that they are both physically and mentally healthier people.
I find helping people to be one of the most important things I do to build my self-esteem. Many people have discovered that service to others reduces self- preoccupation, distracts them from their problems and gives them greater energy. There are many ways to serve others but voluntary community service is a good place to start. Hospitals and other organizations need all the volunteers they can get. Do you know someone who is homebound that could use a visit?
How do you build your self-esteem?
What makes you feel good about yourself?
Where do you need help with this issue?
I look forward to reading your comments.
I find helping people to be one of the most important things I do to build my self-esteem. Many people have discovered that service to others reduces self- preoccupation, distracts them from their problems and gives them greater energy. There are many ways to serve others but voluntary community service is a good place to start. Hospitals and other organizations need all the volunteers they can get. Do you know someone who is homebound that could use a visit?
How do you build your self-esteem?
What makes you feel good about yourself?
Where do you need help with this issue?
I look forward to reading your comments.
Returning to School Issues (Parents and Children) #2
Some reflections on parenting and children (kids, teens and college students) returning to school or preparing to go to school for the first time.
This time of year can be exciting and stressful. I encourage parents to be proactive and to set a tone of optimism and hope. It may sound a little corny but telling your child that they are going to have the best school year ever is a good idea. Having some one on one time to find out how they feel about going to school is a good way to find out what are their hopes, anxieties and concerns. The goal is to open up a channel of communication and to prevent problems before they occur. Another goal is to plan in one on one time on a weekly (make this a long-term goal) basis to touch base with your child's thoughts, victories, and concerns. If you have more than one child, then it is important to do this with each child--not all at once.
If your child talks about an issue they want help with, it is important to come up with an action plan to address that issue. Your children will be more likely to open up and really talk about what is bothering them if they believe you take their problems seriously, and work with them to resolve their problems.
What are the problems that you are facing?
Who do you turn to for advice when you need help?
If you have more than one child, which one are you most concerned about?
I look forward to hearing from you. Don't forget to share your victories too!
This time of year can be exciting and stressful. I encourage parents to be proactive and to set a tone of optimism and hope. It may sound a little corny but telling your child that they are going to have the best school year ever is a good idea. Having some one on one time to find out how they feel about going to school is a good way to find out what are their hopes, anxieties and concerns. The goal is to open up a channel of communication and to prevent problems before they occur. Another goal is to plan in one on one time on a weekly (make this a long-term goal) basis to touch base with your child's thoughts, victories, and concerns. If you have more than one child, then it is important to do this with each child--not all at once.
If your child talks about an issue they want help with, it is important to come up with an action plan to address that issue. Your children will be more likely to open up and really talk about what is bothering them if they believe you take their problems seriously, and work with them to resolve their problems.
What are the problems that you are facing?
Who do you turn to for advice when you need help?
If you have more than one child, which one are you most concerned about?
I look forward to hearing from you. Don't forget to share your victories too!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Back To School Parent and Child Relationship Issues
School will be starting for most families soon. What is on your mind as you prepare for your children to return to school?
I am struck by how difficult certain transitions are: First Grade, Middle School Years, 9th Grade--first year of HS, Senior year of HS and of course the "empty nest" emotions and turmoil of the first year of college.
My heart goes out to all parents as school is about to start. Where are you in this challenging process?
I am struck by how difficult certain transitions are: First Grade, Middle School Years, 9th Grade--first year of HS, Senior year of HS and of course the "empty nest" emotions and turmoil of the first year of college.
My heart goes out to all parents as school is about to start. Where are you in this challenging process?
Transitions For College Age Children
Transitions are a challenge to us all.
I will never forget how surprisingly empty our home seemed after our oldest (Tom) went away to college.
Our second son (Paul) came home to live for a while after college and I treasured every moment--I knew it was just a matter of time before he left, and now he's been gone from home for years and is getting married.
This time was hard on me but I think it was much harder on my wife. Mothers' seem to take this transition, with its subsequent "empty nest," very hard.
I will never forget how surprisingly empty our home seemed after our oldest (Tom) went away to college.
Our second son (Paul) came home to live for a while after college and I treasured every moment--I knew it was just a matter of time before he left, and now he's been gone from home for years and is getting married.
This time was hard on me but I think it was much harder on my wife. Mothers' seem to take this transition, with its subsequent "empty nest," very hard.
- How are you coping with the changes that are occurring?
- What do you need help with?
- Who do you turn to for help?
Monday, August 16, 2010
Anger in Relationships
Anger often makes a healthy relationship hard to maintain. Couples and families can benefit from finding ways to clearly talk about what is bothering them so each person feels respected and heard.
A simple way I've found to increase the safety and effectiveness of this discussion is to start it with an appreciation time. Encourage each person to appreciate something real about the other person. It doesn't have to be something big ("Your inspiration helped me to get into the college of my choice.") but it does have to come from the heart and have meaning to both people ("Thanks for waking up early and feeding the kids breakfast.")
After one or two examples of what they appreciate, then most people feel calmer, respected and safer--that is the best preparation for a productive talk about what is bothering them and how they might resolve their hurts/problems.
A simple way I've found to increase the safety and effectiveness of this discussion is to start it with an appreciation time. Encourage each person to appreciate something real about the other person. It doesn't have to be something big ("Your inspiration helped me to get into the college of my choice.") but it does have to come from the heart and have meaning to both people ("Thanks for waking up early and feeding the kids breakfast.")
After one or two examples of what they appreciate, then most people feel calmer, respected and safer--that is the best preparation for a productive talk about what is bothering them and how they might resolve their hurts/problems.
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