Anger often makes a healthy relationship hard to maintain. Couples and families can benefit from finding ways to clearly talk about what is bothering them so each person feels respected and heard.
A simple way I've found to increase the safety and effectiveness of this discussion is to start it with an appreciation time. Encourage each person to appreciate something real about the other person. It doesn't have to be something big ("Your inspiration helped me to get into the college of my choice.") but it does have to come from the heart and have meaning to both people ("Thanks for waking up early and feeding the kids breakfast.")
After one or two examples of what they appreciate, then most people feel calmer, respected and safer--that is the best preparation for a productive talk about what is bothering them and how they might resolve their hurts/problems.
2 comments:
I agree, it reminds me of another ritual I shared with the kids growing up, At dinner we would share the best thing and the worst thing about our day. We were always brought closer and could talk about tough stuff in a safe context.
I like your blog!
Claudia Arthrell ACSW, LCSW
Healthy families find a way to create safety for one another and from that flows honest, open communication. There are as many ways of accomplishing this as there are families. Thanks for sharing how you and your family did it/ does it. I like you blog too! Steve Knezek,RN,LCSW
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